Tough transitions.

This morning was hard……. really hard.

And I can tell you through nearly eight years of navigating autism that my definition of “hard situations” has reached a level of extreme severity to use that word.

First day back from break.

I knew it would be difficult, it always is.

But the events that unfolded I wasn’t ready for.

He wants to comply so much, he wants to please others, and the anxiety prevents him from being able to.

It’s heartbreaking to see.

He cried, I hid behind the door and cried too.

He would move a few steps, scream, cry, strike whatever was close, protest. And then we wound start again.

I’m sick.

I’m scared.

I don’t feel very well.

I don’t want to go to school.

I don’t like the bells.

What I think he can’t say, the lack of control makes me feel uncomfortable. Which as an adult if we think about it, uncomfortability feels a lot like being scared stiff.

The uneasiness of trying to transition back into a new routine again. The feeling of not having control over the flow of the entire day. The anxiety of not knowing what to expect when it’s been a few weeks since you’ve been somewhere.

I understand.

But I know his staff loves him, we have the tools to help him through. Together we can teach him how to navigate it.

Visual schedules where he can choose the task order. Modifications in his placement to avoid the bells. Frequent breaks. Rewards. We have all the tools.

The hardest part of being a parent, sending your kid off to do hard things because we know they are capable, and they must.

But we have to get him out of the door so that he can try……….