I lay awake at night….

I lay awake at night and ask a lot of questions…..

Some I know the answers to in the glow of the afternoon sun while we are laughing and hunting for trains but I can’t seem to find the answers for once the house is quiet and I’m left awaiting the early morning wake up.

Did I thank my husband for picking up lunch because I was too overwhelmed to cook?

Does my daughter know how proud I am of her for reminding her friends to be kind at school today?

Did I properly thank my beautiful friends for sending my kiddos surprise happy mail and diffusing a mid-day meltdown?

Did I express appropriate gratitude for the amazing ladies who are filling our families freezer because they see some days there isn’t enough calm to even cook a meal?

Do my grandmothers know how thankful I am for them caring for my children so we can go to work?

Does his team know I appreciate them and pray that they love him even through the hard days?

Do my friends know that I appreciate them checking in even if I don’t type out a response?

Does Jacks know that I love him even on the hard days? That I know this isn’t him.

Will he get to go back to school? How soon?

Is the anxiety of waiting for Christmas affecting him and I can’t see that?

Do we need more therapy hours to help his speech?

Does he need a new supplement for sleep?

Did he have a headache but couldn’t say anything?

Will this phase get better?

How can I help him?

Do I need to try new diets? Supplements? Sensory input? What haven’t I tried to help give him some calm?

Did I lose my temper? Did I hug him hard enough? Did I praise him for calm hands?

Some days turn into a blur……

Are there other mothers asking themselves these same questions, when we should be sleeping?

I hope they know they aren’t alone……..

I hope he knows even on our worst days I love him to the moon and back, and all the way down the railroad track. 🚂